Positives and negatives

I've not done a post in a while, so I thought I would post about my thoughts, feelings and recent life changes.

At the beginning of January I started having thoughts about indepenence, I'm 20 years old and I've never experienced proper independence, and when ever I do get put in a situation of independence and fending for myself I start getting all down and depressed as if someone doesnt want me to feel free and have a life. On the 28th January I made the move back up to Stoke-on-Trent to give it another go and try and be happy for once, the first week was brilliant, I went out everyday that week with friends, on the 1st Febuary my recently asked out boyfriend decided to come and see me which I was very excited about, espicially that it was arranged on the day rather then one of them planned visits, I must say though, the day before I left to move to Stoke, I was was feeling terribly down to the point I just wanted to stop breathing, so much stuff was going through my head, one of the things was Damien, I get attached very easily and after I had spent 3 days with him before I had left he became engraved in me, I felt like roller coaster, up and down with my feelings and I then started thinking that he might not move which meant it would be a long distance relationship which I am no good at, I've never been in a relationship with someone and spent so much time with them, he has spent the past 3 weeks living here with me and apart from the odd disagreement he's magnificent! All the crap I got from people beforehand saying I should be careful because of the sort of work he does, well I have no comment on that, I'm with him so what else should be said?

Anyway, because I've had so much company from people the last 3 weeks, I dont want to spend days here by myself now, Thankfully Zach one of my friends is staying here for a few days, so when Damien leaves I still have company, it may not be the same company but at least I wont feel so shitty, and I've also got another friend coming round for a week from friday onwards, so I got at least 2 weeks of company from friends when Damien leaves, I just need to get others to stay here with me or come and see me or make plans to go out somewhere interesting..

And then theres the money situation, I HATE going to the jobcentre and I hate the authority, I've recently been thinking about becoming self employed or make some money some way just to get me away from the Jobcentre.. But I dunno where to start or do.. I need help, I know people probably think I should just apply for a normal job but apart from the fact I hate shop based jobs, and my aim is to get on the Railways that seems to be non existent at the moment, the time I worked at Southern was brilliant, I had so much confidence, just a shame it was only temp. I guess being self employed in the photography area could work, just means I need to figure out how to, what to do and how to go aabout it, what kind of photography? etc but thats at the bottom of the list at the moment.

I'm also working on my communication skills, I have trouble expressing my emotions and the way I feel to people when I'm upset, I don't know why I find it difficult, I just do, I'm a broke person, I really want to express my love, my upsets and my achievements, I want to feel proud of myself, I want to feel as if I'm getting somewhere in life! Which brings up another question.. Am I being to cautious in my life? Should I be more aventurous? think less, act more? I feel as if I'm wasting the only life I know I have on nothing, but then I suffer with my anxiety which blocks me from doing that! I just want to be free and do things. Why is it so hard for me?

What is love?

Biologically, love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. But then, that is not so surprising since love is basically chemistry. While lust is a temporary passionate sexual desire involving the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and oestrogen, in true love, or attachment and bonding, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals: pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool – a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual defence and parental support of children and to promote feelings of safety and security.



What love is depends on where you are in relation to it. Secure in it, it can feel as mundane and necessary as air – you exist within it, almost unnoticing. Deprived of it, it can feel like an obsession; all consuming, a physical pain. Love is the driver for all great stories: not just romantic love, but the love of parent for child, for family, for country. It is the point before consummation of it that fascinates: what separates you from love, the obstacles that stand in its way. It is usually at those points that love is everything.

A message to people who seek their instruction from the Bible.

"You ought to consider that if the Bible was truly written by inspiration of God, it would not be so full of errors and contradictions. I believe that the Bible is the greatest con the world has ever seen. It has prevented people from forming a personal relationship with God ever since it was put together in the first three centuries AD by Church Leaders, containing writings that suited their viewpoints at that time in history. Every Christian learns all there is to know about God and Jesus from reading limited writings which are then filtered through their Church leaders who avoid all passages which would condemn them for their unchristian behaviour.

The Bible condemns homosexuality: Science and medical research has lead us to know that homosexuals are created, rather than a conscious choice made by people. This knowledge was not available to people in Biblical times.

The Bible is absolutely clear that women stay silent in Church, that we should arrange to stone people who wear two types of cloth at the same time, regularly wash the feet of others as Jesus did, personally heal people, raise them from the dead, meet together with other believers daily for prayer and share ALL your possessions with those around you? All these are fundamental behaviors of a Christian and I haven't met one yet!!

So Christians, take the log out of your own eye before you keep carrying on about the speck you think you see in other people's. Your quoting out of context of Biblical verses is unimpressive and hopefully your God will somehow manage to get through to you despite your insistence on fanatically following a series of writings by man, put together by man, rewritten and translated and altered by other men and now picked to pieces by people like you to appear moral and righteous whilst condemning others.

The GLBT people I have encountered on this page show much more of a Christian attitude than you do. They express love, support and encouragement for one another. Stick around, you just might learn something from them."


This was not written by me.

My definition of the bible.

Just because the bible says something does not make it true.

Just because god may or may not have done something, does not make it true

Just because certain people say the bible says something which may affect our lives, does not mean we live in sin.

Just because god condemns a few things which may or may not be bad, does not make morals appear

Just because people say stuff about things which could or could not happen in the near future, does not make god exist.

Just because religious people do things to help others, does not mean everybody else on the face of this planet is immoral.

Just because 1 book influences a whole nation, does not mean everybody else has to follow.

Just because someone can quote from the bible, does not make them a saint.

People can find there own purpose, beliefs and love, you dont need a book to help you do that, the bible is only god for 1 individuals hope and beliefs not to be used to tell a whole nation what it expects.

I still can not get my head round the fact that people would follow a book which has no evidence what so ever and choose to live by it, preach from it and even make others lives miserable because of it!

It does nothing but anger and fear people, for what? Death?

Religious Obsession

In the past month, I have been looking,  listening and researching certain parts of peoples religious views,
not every religious person, but mainly the famous religious people, like Margaret Court, Anne Wildacombe, Stephen Green
Rick Santorum and so forth. They all have 1 thing in common, 1 thing which they seem to obsess and bring up constantly,
and it's homosexuals, you never hear them bring up anything else from the bible, like, the sun goes round the earth. You don't hear that one quoted very often do you?
You don't see groups of wild eyed closet astronomers attacking astronomers who state that the earth goes round the sun. But when someone stands up
in defense for there bigoted and ignorant views, they act like the victim, as if we are attacking them, when they are the one with
over obsessed and highly irrational view, its like our lives effect there's, like they wake up every morning and we're there.
They need educating, and not from the bible, but from reality. What is there obsession? I really don't understand, someone please
tell me why they are so obsessed with homosexuals? This is one of the reasons why, I do not like relgious peoples views!
Its one of many reasons why I'm an atheist.

A homosexuals diary: Trying to understand "Homophobia"

A homosexuals diary: Trying to understand "Homophobia": Homophobia is a word which people seem to chuck around a lot in the LGBT Community, but what does it actually mean?! In my understanding o...

Trying to understand "Homophobia"

Homophobia is a word which people seem to chuck around a lot in the LGBT Community, but what does it actually mean?!

In my understanding of what I've heard and seen, homophobia isn't necessarily hate toward's a certain person's sexual preference, but more, scared and confused, maybe they have had some sort of homosexual feelings in the past and that has scared them.

Someone who hates homosexuals is just pure HATE, not homophobic. Although most people in the LGBT Community do get scared of the word homophobic, it's not as bad as many people make out, if you can just be YOU around someone who has homophobia, that could get rid of there fear and change people.

Unlike hate, or a specific hate towards someone (Homosexuals in our case). All we can do is prove there ignorance.  Hate is usually driven by something more sinister, maybe something from there past, maybe how they were brought up, or maybe just pure stupidity.  But In my opinion, I don't think there is any air way for hate, I don't see the point, maybe it's like there release valve, they hate towards Gay people to release anger which has built up!? Maybe?

Also, why is there not a word for phobia against heterosexuals? Not that I want that to exist, I just find it really strange there's a phobia word for homosexuals, but not heterosexuals?

People shouldn't just jump to conclusions when you don't even know Gay people. Its like, ohh there gay, that means there feminine, and girl'y, and they will hit on me because I'm a man! (Grow up).

Unfortunately my brain isn't big enough to expand.

Thanks for reading!